The airplane shuddered violently .. tethering in the thin air at 37,000 feet while speeding at 527 miles per hour .. the jolt pushed the hostess down .. everyone was screaming .. the lady on my right grabbed me hard by wrist while I was pulled away from my seat stretching my seatbelt. The time stood still ..
I'm on a flight to USA .. the jitter shuffles my brain cells .. instantly switching my focus from the movie on the screen to the present situation while bringing to the front many images from the past in a fast rewind.
Stories of the past spring forward .. an old image of a bygone time triggers the emotion cord .. the image of "us" in a happy setting .. the image of a content vacation .. images tugging the heart, pulling the cord of desire, igniting the extinguished passion ..
Love is fantastic, love is complicated, love is painful.
Dark and stupid things happens .. then the question shines loud .. Why did we loose everything .. why?
The heart aches, the pain continues .. long after .. You were the first and only one in my life … the best thing that ever happened to me .. I have to live with that thought and pain .. every sight ushers in thoughts and memories of you .. am I crazy to be crazy about you?
The heart behaves differently then the reality .. and it hurts .. it hurts a lot yet tears refuses to flow .. the question again in front of me .. who wins? Is it the ego that wins this crazy battle?
In this wide world
You will find many, who will admire you
In this wide world,
You will find few, who will love you
In this wide world,
You will find only me, who is simply crazy about you
- Me, Apr 2022
the relationship is now long dead but the love bounces in and out .. like a boat on a strong current .. the intensity is strong .. then it settles and goes away only to return back another day and time.
the heart pines for your company .. your touch .. the reality struggles to adapt to the new world .. struggles to even cry fearing it might enrage the ego .. so the pain remains and the heart continues to cry in silence ..
Will it ever heal?
The pain of breakup stings sharp like a bee
No anodyne to alleviate or flee
Standing alone and separate in tragic glee
Instead of us, The mirror now reflects you and me
- Us, Mar 2022
our short life and even shorter time to love .. we like many others have wasted it on the demands of ego while remaining tragically unable to solve the confounding puzzle ..
alone and loneliness are two distinct words but put together it becomes a weapon .. You and I could have been a team but we remain so far apart and lost in our own pitiable situation .. encouraged by many “friends” so they could laugh behind the scenes .. we have let the the baggage of the past control the situation, not allowing the survival of the present ..
The fight between the heart and the mind continues .. into the abyss of a black hole .. while you and I remain strangers with unsolved past and a muddy future .. unable to move from pain and conflict to joy and peace.
Many differences stand between us as a wall
Blocking all communication including my heartfelt call
So goes many seasons spring summer and fall
And we stand alone, helpless amidst all
- The Wall, Apr 2022
the many small mistakes have taken a giant form and over shadowed the many successes .. the togetherness .. the good times .. every win as a couple has paled into insignificance on the strength of the many minor mistakes we have made .. albeit many of those mistakes solely made by me .. time ticks forward, heart continues to cry while ego laughs wildly at its victory ..
what is love?
what is affection?
you moved on
wearing a new face in a new world
I’m naive
as I stand forlorn
wearing your memories like a shroud
- Reflect, Aug 2022
Love and hate are two sides of a classic dichotomy. They stand at opposite sides of the spectrum, like black and white or night and day. Yet they are both equally important. One cannot be without the other .. so they stay ...
this heart burns
let it burn
don’t cry
let it burn
let it ..
- Today, Aug 2022
.. And then the calm returned .. as suddenly as it started .. The flight was back on its path .. everyone slowly pulled themselves back to normalcy .. My attention was back again on the movie as the titles rolled by with a song playing in the background ..
Listen to your heart, it knew from the start
She was never with you, not in any part
Not at the end, the middle, or start—
She played the role, but never gave her heart